Loving you is not easy
by quinntanarivergron4life
Summary: Santana has always known that Loving Quinn has never been easy; everyone warned her, but she avoided the signs and now she is stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship with a possessive and controlling Quinn and even through it all, Santana still loves Quinn- AU set In season 2 onwards


**Author's note:** **Hey everyone, I know I haven't posted a Quinntana story in a while and I know I have not updated any of my Quinntana stories in a while, but this time a swear I am going to try my best to do so, my apologies to those of you who have been waiting for certain stories to be updated but I promise I will get on to it right away. Anyway this is a new story with a bit of a trigger warning, I hope it's not too sensitive for you to read and if It is, it will get better as time goes by, I Hope you enjoy it**

 **P.S. this is all new to me since I usually write fluff.**

 _Flash forward February 2016- New York…_

 _ **Santana's Pov**_

" _Hey come back here I am talking to you, SANTANA! I am talking to you, don't you dare walk away from me!" she loudly and aggressively said to me_

 _Whenever she got like this I would usually flinch and stop immediately, when she got this way I would usually do whatever she wanted because it would just be easier to do what she says rather than letting things escalate, but this time I am mad, angry tears are running down my cheeks and I am furious, matter of fact I have had enough_

 _I will no longer cower underneath her steer and I will no longer fear her or the consequences of not doing what she says, I have had enough of the abuse, I am emotionally and mentally tired and tonight she really went too far_

" _HEY, I AM talking to you, I said STOP! Santana you better listen to me before I-_

" _Before you what, Quinn, Before you what" I turn around angrily and walk closer to her, her usually beautiful hazel eyes are now empty, and she has this stone cold look on her face like she usually does when she gets angry, I know this facial expression, I fear it every day and every hour, I work hard for her not have that facial expression, but now I could care any less_

 _I invade her personal space and further walk closer to her, leaving no space between us, I really want to show her how mad I am at her, if looks could kill we would both be dead right now_

" _Don't test me Santana, not now, you know what happens when you test me right?" She said grabbing me forcefully by my arm_

 _She tightens her grip on my arm making me flinch due to the pain she was causing me, but I am not backing down, I want to show her how much hurt she has put me through all these years, and I want to show her that I have had enough of it_

" _Oh I know what happens Fabray, you insult me, you threaten to hurt me, and you emotionally blackmail me and at the end of the day, you couldn't care less how you hurt me, as long as you still have me right, that's all the matters to you, you don't care what you do to me or how you hurt me, as long as you get to convince me to stay with you, and I have had ENOUGH!"_

 _There is nothing more frustrating than when she just looks at me, with that evil smirk of hers, it just makes me sick to my stomach, she further tightens her grip on my arm and lets out an angry chuckle_

" _Funny thing is that you always say that my sweet Santana, but funny enough you always stay and like I always say to you, you can cry all you want and throw tantrums all you want but you won't leave me, you will never leave me or so help me God, or have you forgotten my sweet Santana for better or worse, till death do us part, until death Santana, until death…. you think your tantrums scare me, you think I will cry and get scared now that you have seemed to have worked up a bit of courage, this is nothing new, for 5 years you have always said that you have had enough but you always come back to me Santana, ALWAYS, and don't you ever talk me like that again"_

 _She makes me sick to my stomach, how could I have stayed with her this long, our friends warned us, my estranged family warned me and I always dismissed it, I always stayed and subjected myself to this treatment, this horrible toxic relationship, why did I even say yes when she asked me to marry her, so many people wanted to object but yet I still refused, I don't know this person standing in front of me right now, this is not the young innocent Quinn, I met years ago in Lima, Ohio this person standing in front of me is a heartless controlling monster_

" _You need help! You need serious help, you know why I stay all the time Quinn, I stay because I fucking love your psychotic ass, even when you hurt me, hurl insults at me, threaten me, embarrass me and control me like I am some toy, I stay because I love you, I stayed because I freaking love you, and I don't know why I love you, it's not easy, it's never been easy because the way you treat me hurts me, it hurts me, I should have seen the signs, I should have escaped while I had the chance, but I always stayed because somehow through your twisted behavior you would always convince me that I have nobody but you, you manipulated me, and you sucked me into this big black lonely, emotionally draining hole_

 _You made me lose friendships and family, you controlled me, you destroyed me, and even when I had people you drove them away, you made me lose my mind, you imprisoned me, and all I ever did was love you, all I ever did was defend you to our friends, my family doesn't even talk to me anymore because I chose you over them…every time people always asked me why I stay with you and my answer was always the same, I love her and "she will get better" but no, you haven't changed one bit, well I have had enough Quinn, I am done, this time it's not just a threat, this time I won't cower or come back to you, no matter how much in your sick twisted ways you try to get me to stay, this time, I am actually leaving you for good, what you did tonight was the final nail to the coffin Quinn"_

 _I am in pain, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted, I am hurting and I just want to leave, I just want to take off my wedding ring and leave her for good, I am so tired, I just can't anymore_

" _It's exhausting to love you Quinn" I say while sobbing_

 _I look to her for any kind of emotion, any kind of remorse, but she just stands there looking at me, her eyes empty, she just stands there and says nothing, which hurts me further, she still has a hold on my arm, I move to take off my wedding ring and engagement ring and before I do she roughly stops me_

" _What do you think you are doing?" she angrily asks_

" _Weren't you listening to me Quinn, I am done and this time I am not joking" I say to her a little bit frustrated  
_

" _You will not leave me, you hear me, you won't, or I swear to God Santana you will regret it "she says with an evil smirk on her face, which further angers me_

" _Oh will I really, will I regret it, you don't get it do you, I am not scared of your empty threats anymore Quinn, do what you want but I am leaving, now let go off me!"_

 _I try to move but she holds me tighter, hurting me even further_

" _You don't want to test me Santana; you have seen what I can do right? I will make your life miserable if you leave me, you know that right, or have you forgotten that I am the one with all the power in this marriage, if you leave right now you will regret it" she says coldly_

" _Your bark is worse than your bite Quinn, you may have gotten rid of everyone I care about, you may have put me in isolation, but you can't control me forever Quinn, that's not love, now let go off me before I do something drastic and call the police on you"_

 _I never knew that those were the words that were going to have me lying on the floor with passed out with a blue eye, but it happened,_

 _Unexpected she let go of me, but before I could go anywhere she hit me, and she hit me hard, sending me straight to the wooden floor, it was like a slow motion haze, I wasn't even sure that what happened just happened, Quinn had never in her life laid a hand on me, emotionally abusive, yes she was, psychotic, yes she was, manipulative and hurtful, yes she was, but psychically abusive, this was new, she had never in her life hit me…_

 _I laid there on the floor In tears and in shock, I was sobbing hard and all I heard her say, before I blacked out was_

" _Next time you try to leave I will not be so lenient, now get up and clean yourself up and meet in the bedroom"_

 _Her last words to me were so cold, so unrecognizable, this was not my Quinn, before my eyes closed I laid there thinking to myself, how did I ever let myself get to this point, flashes of the happy times of our relationship flashed in my mind before I finally blacked out… thinking to myself that I am probably going to be one of the many statics of abuse and nobody would care any less…._

The year 2010…

 **Santana's Pov**

It was a warm beautiful afternoon, kids were playing around and riding their bikes in our neighborhood, I would usually admire the surroundings around me by sitting on the patio, but right now my heart is beating fast and I am trying to sneak in my home, luckly I have a key so I don't have to knock and get into even more trouble…

I tip toe inside and check the coast around me, I quietly and soundly close the door after me, I let out a sigh of relief thinking I got away with sneaking in, but before I could turn around and go upstairs I hear her clearing her throat behind me…

My heart beats fast and I nervously turn around to face the consequences of my actions, when I turn around I am faced with a cold stoned looking Quinn, she seemed very angry and annoyed

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be home last night at 9, and you have the audacity to arrive the next day in the afternoon, where have you been Santana?" Quinn asked me angrily

Quinn has always been the kind of person who was always protective over me, ever since we were young, she always had my back, when we met at just the tender age of eight, she became my only best friend, well that was until Brittany came in and joined our circle around the age of 12, Quinn was never really into the whole sharing me with anybody thing, she would always get mad whenever I spent time with anybody but her, but as time went by she got better, well at least that's what I thought until recently when we started dating.

Quinn and I don't have an ordinary love story like any other teenage high school couple, we fell in love too quickly and even came out too quickly than most ordinary gay teens would in Lima, Ohio some teens even hide in the closet until they get to college in a more tolerant environment, but not my Quinn, see Quinn never cared what anybody thought about her, she had this mean streak and if you ever did cross her, she would really make life miserable for you.

Nobody ever dared said anything to us or messed with us because of Quinn's temper and her power to destroy people, we became the first lesbian power couple at McKinley, matter of fact the only lesbian couple at McKinley high, we joined the cheerios together and glee club together, when I came out my parents Were not as supportive as Quinn's, our family always knew we had a special bond ever since we were kids, but because of my abuelita's disapproval they were meek about it, and since my abuelita lived with us, it caused a rift between my parents and I and in the end they chose my abuela over me, which led me into moving in with Quinn and her family.

Her family had always adored me, because from a very young age Quinn had always said that we were going to get married when we get older, the Fabrays always considered me as their second daughter and after the fight with my parents and abuelita they welcomed me into their home with open arms, when Quinn asked me to be her girlfriend, it wasn't anything to write home about but it was special in a Quinn way, it was after our first cheerios practice and we were laying in her bed as usual, cuddled together and watching TV, and all she said was be my girlfriend and I just said yes.

Quinn was never good at expressing her emotions, it took a lot for her to do so, the only emotions she would usually express were jealousy and anger, Quinn always had a jealous streak, especially when it came to me, whenever anybody even looked my way or tried to talk to me, or even touch me, Quinn would freak out and walk in front of me to shield me, she once punched Puck in Glee when he got too touchy with me during mine and his duet together, people always worried about Quinn's behavior towards me, especially her family and our friends, but it never bothered me, because Quinn had her sweet side, she was a romantic and she had good mannerisms, she took me out on candlelight dinners, picnics, movie dates and the works, she would leave sticky notes in my locker telling me she loves me and she would buy me flowers every day.

Quinn never got angry with me, she never controlled me until later on in our relationship, she started telling me what to wear, who to talk to and when to talk to them, she started checking my phone, hacking my computer, giving me curfews, having all these ridiculous rules, our friends found Quinn's behavior very controlling and they asked if I was okay with it, and again I would just dismiss it because I loved her, I love her with all my heart and it's not like she acts the way she does all the time.

Her erratic behavior got worse when her parents and her sister passed away in a car accident, she never quite cried at the funeral, she was somber for a few days, and whenever I tried talking to her about it she would distract me with sex, I signed us up for counseling with Ms Pillsbury but she never talked about her feelings, I got together with the glee club and we sang her a song but she dismissed us and said she was fine, weeks after the funeral, everything just got worse because it was just the two of us living together in the Fabray home, her parents had left everything for her, their finances plus her trust fund, the cars and the house, at one point I tried getting a job to pull my weight around because I felt guilty for living off of her and she refused and told me to trust her to take care of me, of us.

Quinn started becoming more aggressive towards me; she would now embarrass me in front of people, this other time she angrily called me out in front of the glee club for wearing a see through tank top, she told me to cover up or else, later after Glee practice Mr. Schue made me stay behind and asked if I were okay, and told me to call him if I ever needed anything, this other time she had put a tracker on my cell phone in order to track my whereabouts, she would freak whenever I came home passed the curfew she had set for me, so many people told me that her behavior was not normal, so many people offered me a place to stay if I ever considered leaving Quinn, but I love her, and I believe one day when her insecurities have disappeared she will go back to being the Quinn I fell in love with.

Quinn had multiple layers and a person just needed to work hard in order to get to the core part of her, she was my person and I was hers and I would never think of leaving her, but lately she is starting to scare me little by little everyday

"Look, relax babe the study session with the girls took a little longer that it was supposed to and this morning Berry forced us to stay for brunch and we just started talking and time just flew by, I was going to call you but Berry had a no phone zone rule, you know Berry and her dumb perfectionist behavior, sometimes I wonder why I am friends with her" I said jokingly

We did get carried away, it was just supposed to be a Spanish study session between the glee club girls, well excluding Quinn of course, she never really liked group study sessions, the Glee club girls needed my help with Spanish and I agreed, we all ended up having a good time, despite Yentel forcing us to break out into song every five minutes, it was still fun and time just flew by and I knew the consequences.

"So you didn't think to call me huh, you tell me to relax, but you couldn't sneak a phone call during, your study session, how am I supposed to trust you when you can't even call me to give me an update, we had an agreement Santana and you broke it and you know how I feel when you break the rules, I was worried sick about you, I hope you never do that again and besides you could have politely excused yourself and came home" she said to me while glaring at me

There was so much tension in the room, so I decided to go to the kitchen and grab some juice from the fridge and she followed right behind me

"Babe like I said I am sorry we got carried away and I am sorry that I put you through so much worry last night, but I was safe, I was with Berry and the girls we were fine" I said trying to calm her down while taking out a glass for my orange juice

The Fabray house had now officially become mine and Quinn's home fully, the interior changed, the house was now more of Quinn and Santana style, we had changed around a few things and we had finally made it our own, and it was so easy to navigate around it now, because now everything was where we had preferred it to be, it still felt a bit heavy and emotional to live in the house since the Fabrays passed, they were like my second family and it hurt at times to wake up in this house every day, but having Quinn with me seemed to make it easier.

"I DON'T CARE iF IT WAS JUST A STUPID STUDY SESSION, YOU CALL, AND TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!, your behavior was reckless and uncalled for and from now on I am driving you were you need to be and picking you up before your curfew unless you have a valid reason, you are no longer allowed to hang out with the glee kids after class for the whole of next week are we clear" she said angrily

I was so used to her acting this way and most of the times I would just comply and do as she says, but this time, her punishment was too harsh, it's not like I did anything wrong, I get that she should be angry that I didn't call her, and I still haven't checked my phone yet, but banning me from using the car, running my errands and hanging out with my friends was a bit of a stretch

"Oh come on Quinn, don't you think you are over reacting a bit here" I asked but she just glared at me further

"I said is THAT CLEAR, Santana, it seems as though you have forgotten one thing, what I say goes, in this house I have the final word, in this relationship I have the final word, you disobeyed me, you broke my trust and now I am punishing you, from now on, no outside activities, we go to school, glee club, cheerios and come straight home, you hear me, that's it and that's final, consider this a lesson" she said coldly

"Come on Quinn you are treating me like a child and I am not, I am your girlfriend, if you ever did the same thing I wouldn't to this to you, a relationship has two people in it, you can't just decide what's final on your own and think I will be okay with it Fabray" I said out a little angry

And in that moment I watched her behavior go from bad to worse she took the orange juice from my hands and threw it against the wall, forcing me to flinch she grabbed forcefully and pushed me against the wall, making me hit my head a little

"I don't care what you think or what you say, when I say something you listen and you keep quiet, your mine Lopez and nobody else's you will listen to what I say and do exactly what I say, do you understand me" she said angrily

I just stood there shocked with tears in my eyes threatening to fall, our arguments never escalated this far before, Quinn has never touched me like this before, she has never physically tried to hurt me, and she has never spoken to me so coldly, it was just a shock to me at this point and I had no idea what to say since my brain was short circuiting and my emotions were messed up

"I said DO YOU UNDERSTAND" she screamed loudly in my face and all I could do was just nod without saying anything

She leaned in and gave me a rough passionate and painful kiss and then when we finally pulled apart after all the manhandling I moved to pick up the shattered glass on the floor while still in shock mode

"Next time Santana your punishment will be way worse, now go shower I don't like you smelling like them, It makes me uncomfortable" she said without even giving me a second glance, she moved to the living room and I just stood there shocked, what had happened to set her off like this today, all I could hope for was for her mood to change later on the day.

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 **Until next time**


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